Meeting people in the real world

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Shakti

An article was published recently about the effectiveness of online dating. Some of their findings were about how people make decisions on who they will and won’t contact when they are browsing online dating sites. The report found that users were likely to focus on certain qualities they think are important in a potential partner, perhaps to the neglect of qualities that actually are important.

Attributes that are searchable on online dating sites such as income, physical attractiveness tend to be largely irrelevant to the sorts of hard-to-evaluate, experiential characteristics that promote positive outcomes in established relationships. Characteristics that can only be evaluated by face-to-face contact are things like rapport and sense of humour. These qualities are difficult to evaluate from a profile.

Online communication cannot convey the subtle ways of communicating that face-to face can – The tone of a voice, facial expressions, posture, dress and body language of a person are all lost online.

Online dating has become mainstream and has changed the dating world, but it can never replace the traditional way of meeting people offline in “real world” settings.

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Do we still enjoy courting?

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Shakti

Do we still enjoy courting?

We have enjoyed courting from the beginning of time. But today there can be a general lack of trust and appreciation. Maybe this is caused by being hurt too many times.

The courtship guidelines have become blurred. Men love to court ladies by calling for the date and holding the door open. But when ladies are aggressive, men can feel confused about their role. Ladies have become self sufficient and know how to take care of themselves. But in the dating world, they may not even realise they are not letting the man court them. So ladies put on your prettiest dress and leave the corporate look and persona for your work life.

I believe that men still instinctively try to court. If the appreciation is there it will flourish. But he will lose his desire to court if he doesn’t feel like he can do special things for his lady or they aren’t appreciated.

Why can’t we court each other? It’s the little things that count like opening a door or helping with a jacket.

Our small group dinners allow singles to meet face to face and notice important things like body language. Conversation can be free flowing and natural. How can you build a relationship on a phone or computer? We need to remember how to interact face to face.

Let’s hope courting never dies. It is exciting and that feeling of wondering if he/she is the one.

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What is the most important relationship in our lives?

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Shakti

What is the most important relationship in our lives?

Our significant other, our parents or our children may spring to mind. These relationships are significant, but there is one other relationship that is with us all of our lives.

Our relationship with ourselves has a huge impact on our lives. To have a healthy relationship with another, it is first important to love and nurture yourself.

Do you ever have the urge to spend some delicious time by yourself doing whatever it is that makes you happy? It may be reading magazines, watching a movie or going on an adventure by yourself. It’s important to know yourself and what is important to you before you can reveal yourself to the world as someone who knows what they want and believe in.

In her book Prosperity Pie, the writer asks “What if when someone asks you if you are dating anyone, you respond ‘Well I am really involved in loving myself right now’ ” How liberating!

The little voice in our head tries to tell us we are being selfish when we put ourselves first, but it is a brave and smart person who knows and understands the importance of loving and honouring yourself. Everyone around you will benefit from it too.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be fund anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

Buddha

Blessings Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

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Ask when you meet someone appealing

Posted on March 22, 2012 by Shakti

“No” is just a word. It doesn’t mean anything else about you!

If you asked someone for a contact to catch up again and they said “No,” don’t make it mean anything about you. There are many reasons why they may have declined. Most often it is because of something in their life. Perhaps they lack the self-confidence to put themselves in a position where they could become vulnerable. By vulnerable I mean letting someone close to them. Their ex-partner may have come back into the scene. Or they may be still healing from a past relationship.

The important thing is that you remain optimistic and open to possibility. I’d like to extend an invitation to you to ask more often when you meet someone appealing. 100% of the people you don’t ask will not say “Yes.” So ask, and if they say “No,” it doesn’t mean anything about you.

Remember that we will do the asking for you as part of our personal service to you. When we send our request for feedback, just let us know who you would like to see again and we will follow up for you.

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Could you do with some dating optimism?

Posted on March 22, 2012 by Shakti

Could you do with some dating optimism? Well the best news is that you are enough just as you are.

If you are clumsy, cheeky, uncertain, crazy, single, gorgeous, unorganised, super tidy, untidy or always late, you are unique and one of a kind. There is no one quite like you.

If you are ever dating someone who makes you feel like you are not good enough, remember that you wouldn’t want to spend time with that sort of person anyway. A life partner should make you feel like you are special just the way you are.

The best news is that once you know that for certain, others will too.

“Be yourself and I promise people will enjoy it. And if they don’t…forget them.”~Mitchell Davis

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What makes some people more attractive to be around?

Posted on March 22, 2012 by Shakti

If there is one thing I have noticed during the 10 years I have been lucky enough to offer events for singles, it is that people want to be around, and, by the way fall in love with, happy people. Have you ever met anyone who is physically very attractive and intelligent, but they are basically negative people. They are not happy with their work, their friends, their family or themselves.

Now think of someone you know who is fundamentally happy. They don’t need everything to go their way to be happy. They love meeting people and most things in their life. I’m sure you would rather spend time with the happy person.

Are you doing your part to maximise your own happiness? Social psychologists have compiled a list of things that make people happy-expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing acts of kindness, nurturing social relationships, developing strategies for coping, learning to forgive, savouring life’s joys, committing to your goals, and taking care of your body.

Taking some time to nurture these qualities could be what makes you a lot more attractive to be around. Or it could just enhance your personal happiness. Either way, you win.

Bessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

 

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Allow the package to reveal it’s hidden gifts

Posted on March 20, 2012 by Shakti

If you asked your female friends who are married or in long term successful relationships if they were immediately attracted to their partner, what would they say? There’s a good chance they would tell you that there was no immediate attraction.

When I have spoken to ladies who are married or long term successful relationships, they have mostly said they didn’t like him that much when they first met. But as they spent time with him, he became an acquired taste.

If a man behaves in a way that makes you feel good, he will begin to look attractive to you. As you get to know him and appreciate his positive qualities, he will look more and more attractive. A man who doesn’t initially make your heart skip a beat, can end up making you deliriously happy!

Some qualities you can only discover as you spend time with him, such as kindness, generosity, humor. He understands the things that are important and really matter.-Calling you when he said he would, being understanding when you are tired or busy, being faithful.

Granted, there needs to be at least a little bit of physical attraction. But even if it is a tiny bit, it can grow into something  huge.

So don’t watch too many of those  romantic movies where the hero is tall, dark and handsome. That isn’t what will make you happy. You can find happiness in an unexpected package. Just allow the package an opportunity to reveal it’s hidden gifts.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

 

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What is appealing in a woman to a man?

Posted on March 12, 2012 by Shakti

Obviously I’m not a man! But I do speak with a lot of men who contact us because they are single and would like to meet a suitable lady for a genuine relationship. Some of them decide to become a Platinum Member because they want to meet one on one with ladies we have selected for them to meet. Some of them like to meet in a small group at our Tables for Six (sometimes 8 or 4).

Each of them has their own unique story of the journey they are on. But there is a common thread of the things they value in a partner.

Sense of humour- the ability to be able to laugh at yourself or at an awkward situation can mean the difference between a situation going very badly, or tuning it into a positive for a relationship. People who take everything very seriously and can’t lighten up are rarely found to be attractive. Laughing at ourselves lets people see that we are human and have our own special weaknesses. That’s much more attractive than someone who has the persona of being perfect.

Trust- Men and women both need to feel they can trust their partner to have a deep connection with them. Sometimes we women have a tendency to share far too much with our girlfriends about our most intimate relationship. Men don’t understand this need to share and feel they have been betrayed. If they find you have been disclosing details of your relationship with others, they may not feel they can confide in you next time they have an issue to deal with. Of course, they also need to know that you won’t cheat on them. This can be especially sensitive if this has happened to them in the past.

Health and Hygiene- This may sound basic, but men are attracted to women who appear that they look after themselves physically. Women who keep themselves with in a healthy weight range are appealing. They don’t need to be any particular shape, but practically every man mentions he would like a lady who is slim. Fortunately, it isn’t all about being supermodel size. An attractive smile or beautiful friendly eyes are a huge asset in making a man feel attracted to a lady. Paying attention to personal hygiene is also a basic habit to ensure you are attractive to a man.

Good physical relationship- Must love cuddles! Men need to feel appreciated and that they are pleasing their partner. They have a basic need to demonstrate to their partner their love and affection physically. It’s a very important part of a healthy relationship and is often a reflection of how healthy the other parts of the relationship are. Men want a partner who is capable and attentive in this area of their relationship.

A highly recommended book is “The 5 love languages” by Gary Chapman. Gary sets out the 5 different areas that men (and women) need to be satisfied.

Men and women alike value these qualities in a partner. So, in many ways men and women are not so different.

Blessings

Margaret

www.atableforsix.com.au

 

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It’s a big ask

Posted on March 5, 2012 by Shakti

Have you ever been asked out for a meal or a drink and found yourself having a dialogue in your head about what could happen if you say yes? Would they fit in with my friends? Will they really “get” me? Would they make a good mother/father? Oops, I think we’re a bit ahead of ourselves here. We are almost asking them to validate our very existence. It’s a big ask!

Sometimes it’s all tied up in other things. What most of us haven’t learned is not to make it mean anymore than it is.

It’s fun when you keep it simple. Life is a contact sport. If you are asked to catch-up with someone again, say yes to a drink or a quick meeting. Here’s a quote I read this week-”If you think a person is boring, you don’t know them well enough.”

 

have fun this week…
Margaret
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How to stay positive until Mr/Ms Right comes along

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Shakti

“I’ve been single for a few years now. My friends have set me up a few times. I’ve tried dating all sorts of people. I’m starting to think that my ideal partner doesn’t exist. Who would want to date me anyway?”

It’s easy for people to say to you “Just stay positive and believe.” But that’s not always so easy. Especially when you’ve put yourself out there to ask someone out and they knocked you back or they decide they want to be just friends.

A good way to think about it is “Would you date yourself?”  To keep yourself going and to stay positive, list all of your best qualities. Don’t be stingy! Include everything you can possibility think of. Little children love me…..I’m a great cook……..I make people feel at ease…My ears are very cute……

List as many things as you can possibly think of. Be lavish in your praise for yourself. Once you realise what a good catch you are, you’ll become more attractive to others. Write your list and add to it every time you think of something else to add. Ask your friends to contribute as well. You’ll be surprised what they will say that you hadn’t even thought of. Keep the list somewhere you can see it everyday to remind you that anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner.

You can also use this opportunity to recognise anything about yourself that could do with some tweaking. If you have some true friends who can be straight with you, they may point out some behaviour that could be holding you back in this quest. If their intentions are for your betterment, listen and take on board their comments.

It’s never about the girls or guys out there. It’s always about you and where your focus is. Be certain about your value and others will recognise it too.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

 

 

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